You don’t want to take me on on your own
With just my little finger
I’ll teach you a lesson, break your bones without messing
I’m a pure-breed ninja
So take your chance and quickly back down now
Cos you’re in mortal danger now
But I don’t want to, I don’t want to
I don’t want to be that guy

I don’t wanna be, anyone but me
There’s no-one that can compete with me
Come fight me, come fight me
I’m nothing usually, nothing much to see
But with a couple of pints in me
Come fight me, come fight me.

Closing time, it seems to me you’re starting something
Wanna finish it?
Choose your weapon and name the location
Bring your mates if they fancy it
Best inform your next of kin, write your will and hand it in
Eat your final meal
But I don’t want to, I don’t want to
I don’t want to be that guy

I don’t wanna be, anyone but me
There’s no-one that can compete with me
Come fight me, come fight me
I’m nothing usually, nothing much to see
But with a couple of pints in me
Come fight me, come fight me.

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Don’t wanna hear it cos it’s always the same
How everybody’s out to screw you
The paranoia likes to drive you insane
But you don’t like listening do you?
If you could see the things that I’ve seen
As the nightmare turns it to black
Turn off the mind’s eye, don’t know where it’s been
It’s a ten-tonne dog on your back

There’s a lot that I could teach you
But there’s not a lot for you to learn
There’s a lot of things that I could do
But I tell you now I won’t quit on you, not unless you do

Travel through the night to be at your side
Wish a little, know I never knew you
Kick and scream against a wall of regret
But the words on the bricks see right through you
I’ve downed, in every town
To feed a thirst that isn’t easy to feed
I get relief but it is really a thief
That can’t be stopped on account of its greed

There’s a lot that I could teach you
But there’s not a lot for you to learn
There’s a lot of things that I could do
But I tell you now I won’t quit on you, not unless you do

We sit in silence cos we’re deaf to the sound
Of the panic and the pain and the loss
I’m there for you like there was no-one for me
Now I’m just ticking every box with a cross
If you could see the things that I’ve seen
As the nightmare turns it to black
Turn off the mind’s eye, don’t know where it’s been
It’s a ten-tonne dog on your back

There’s a lot that I could teach you
But there’s not a lot for you to learn
There’s a lot of things that I could do
But I tell you now I won’t quit on you, not unless you do

You gone, the most, I’ll raise a toast
If it ends, then it ends.

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So we argued and fought all night
Cos we were both there but we couldn’t agree
I was certain she’d made up her mind
The problem was so was he
She was laughing and touching her hair
And according to the folks on TV
That means she fancied him, so I did the right thing
I backed away and let him in

So we all left on our own
So we all went home alone
No-one hooked up
No-one wins when we both do the right thing
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Nothing savoured, nothing changed
No-one hooked up
No-one wins when we both do the right thing

No matter what he says it wasn’t like that
I remember it as clear as today
We were talking but I could tell she was bored
She smiled and nodded and kept glancing his way
She was laughing and touching her hair
And according to the folks on TV
That means she fancied him, so I did the right thing
I backed away and let him in

So we all left on our own
So we all went home alone
No-one hooked up
No-one wins when we both do the right thing
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Nothing savoured, nothing changed
No-one hooked up
No-one wins when we both do the right thing

Punch punch punch a goat squarely in the face
RSPCA be damned, isn’t cruelty ace?

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Hear the panic on the streets
One guy has bombs in his shoes
Might as well chop off your feet
But now they can blow you up with shampoo

Prepare to watch out
Illusion of security
You better watch out
CCTV in use here
Prepare to watch out
Report suspicious characters
You better watch out
You’re kept in line through fear

You’re criminals, every last one
Need nothing trivial as proof
Just got to find out what you’ve done
Don’t let paranoia be derailed by the truth

Prepare to watch out
Expect the inquisition soon
You better watch out
There’s no way you can’t lose
Prepare to watch out
1984 is here at last
You better watch out
You’ll see it on the news

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Don’t worry ’bout an invite the guy’s a mate of mine
Buckle up, hold tight, we’ll see you at the party tonight
Left past the bridge, down the alleyway second right
Right down to the end and there you’ll find the party tonight
It’s dark down here, more dark down there
Round the corner, up the stairs if you’re looking for the party tonight
No-one there you know, but it’s where the cool people go
Get you through the door, you get seen at the party tonight

There’s hippies, skins and junkies
There’s yuppies, pimps and flunkies
There’s pornstars and a goatpuncher
There’s weasels, cults and jokers
There’s shysters and stockbrokers
There’s demons and that goatpuncher

Now that we’ve found the place, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be
Not liking the company, not sure about this party tonight
Wish we hadn’t come here, nothing feels right about it
Find a fucking loophole and let’s get out of this party tonight.

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By the time this has all sunk in I’ll probably wish I’d stayed
But right now you think the future’s so bright, and I want to get laid
It’s an accident of nature
It’s something in my genes
That stops them staying buttoned
If you know what I mean

(Chorus)
My DNA made me a bastard
I’m genetically flawed
Don’t get your hopes up, princess
I can’t help it, I can’t help it

We’ve been through this so many times you really should have learned
Chantilly lace, a pretty face and my head gets turned
You thought that if you loved me
I’d keep it in my pants
But thanks to this Y chromosome
You never stood a chance

(Chorus)
My DNA made me a bastard
I’m genetically flawed
Don’t get your hopes up, princess
I can’t help it, I can’t help it

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You moved down to the city with your band not long ago
You were signing to a label and were going to play some shows
Now someone’s back to visit and that someone isn’t you
But an arrogant impostor who doesn’t seem to have a clue
There’s a meanness in your manner, there’s contempt behind your eyes
And you’re speaking in an accent none of us can recognise
Looking down you nose as if you never even cared
You’re behaving like a wanker and what’s up with your hair?

Trade in your haircut for an independent lie

You’re acting like you’ve made it but you obviously haven’t yet
And your conversation’s all about the famous folks you’ve met,
How much you’ve spent on t-shirts, and your trainers and your flat
But the problem with your money is you’ve got to pay it back
And what then are you left with if all this suddenly ends?
A stupid fucking haircut and you’ve sold out all your friends
Behind the wall of affectation you must still have a heart
So I’m breaking out the clippers, help you remember who you are

Trade in your haircut for an independent lie

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I only met her one time but she blew my mind,
She left me broken, bleeding, beaten, battered, blistered, burnt and blind
Her touch was electric and it left me paralysed
Should have known I was in trouble from the moment when I looked into her eyes

Behind her eyes is a deathray

She’s got some kind of computer where her brain should be
Acid in her bloodstream, metal bones, she’s got no heart - just batteries
Created by scientists to enslave and terrorise
With thighs that crush like vices, poison fingernails and a deathray in her eyes

Behind her eyes is a deathray

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Barbara’s in the cemetery visiting her Dad
She puts flowers on his grave every year
But the walking dead have risen and they smell really bad
Babs runs home in panic locks the doors in fear

But she finds she’s too late and her kids are all dead
And her husband is nowhere to be found
Her undead Dad got there first and cracked open their heads
And all she can hear are contented chewing sounds

She had a lovely family til Daddy ate them
So now her only choice is to decapitate them
Douse them all in petrol send them up in flames, or
Dismember their bodies with a handy chainsaw

No-one’s really sure how they became undeaded
But the only way they’ll stop is if they are beheaded
Do yourself a favour, get your dead cremated
Cos then there is less chance they’ll be reanimated

Barbara calls for help but finds the phonelines are down
She know salvation cannot be far
The TV says survivors should meet outside of town
So all she has to do is get to her car

She cuts through the zombie army and her car starts first try
Puts her foot down and speeds off down the street
And she’s probably have made it if she’d taken the time
To check for monsters lurking in the back seat

They don’t move very fast but it’s hard to stop them
You could shoot them in the face if you can find a shotgun
Douse them all in petrol send them up in flames, or
Dismember their bodies with a handy chainsaw

Be very very careful not to get infected
If you want your head and body to remain connected
Grab yourself an axe and do your best to fell ‘em
Or else they will be dining on your cerebellum

If you can’t beat them
Then you’ll be eaten
You’d better get tough
Cos when there’s no room left in hell
The dead will walk the earth

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I can’t help thinking while they’re all on the stage,
There’s no joy in this for them any more.
They’re just grafting for minimum wage -
It’s just a job, they work and they’re bored.

That’s your problem
You don’t sing it out
No-one’s gonna say
Don’t sing it out

A simple paycheck at the end of the day
Enough to keep them toeing the line
Knock the same thing out time after time
As long as it sells well they’ll be fine

That’s your problem
You don’t sing it out
No-one’s gonna say
Don’t sing it out

It’s one for the money
And two is for the money as well,
Three’s for the cash made
When these bland and trendy records sell.
Four’s for good causes
Exploited to get records sold,
Five’s for the silver
And six is for the fucking gold.

What you get is what you pay for.

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